Are you as concerned about Climate Change (a.k.a Global Warming) as I am?
Clearly you’re not as concerned as me because I’ve gone and done something about it. I've actively taken steps to reduce the effects of Climate Change and am are busy saving the future of our planet, and perhaps the survival of humankind. You should be concerned because Climate Change affects you and everyone you love.
What have you done today? I suspect that the answer is “absolutely nothing, zero, nada, zilch, nil, bugger all.”
This is your chance to make a difference, this is perhaps your only ever opportunity to take a small step and help save yours' and your children’s planet. I encourage you to continue to read this important posting and take action - you can help save the planet’s glaciers. Save the planet’s glaciers and act today. Your opportunity to help is literally “melting away” so act now because in a very real sense, “time is limited”.
“You must be dumb, how can you save the glaciers?” I hear you ask.
Great question. The answer is simple really. I am asking a lot of people to take a small yet effective and affirmative action. I want millions of ordinary people to simply sponsor a square inch of a glacier. The more sponsors, the more of the glaciers I can save.
“Alright, sounds great in principle, but how are you going to make this work?” I further hear you ask.
Your questions are right on the mark. You sound like the sort of person who really gets it, so you should sign up now. But if you really want the details, here’s how it works.
For each sponsorship I receive I charter a Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet. My team of 4 will fly to random countries that are suspected of having glaciers. They will each rent a huge fuck off SUV and drive into some mountains until they find a glacier. Once located, they will drive back to the airport and rent a helicopter. The helicopter will fly each of my team to their respective glacier and a one inch section of the glacier will be removed and placed into a vacuum sealed portable storage device.
The helicopter then returns to the airport where the 747 has been waiting, the team returns to the US.
Once back on friendly soil the team makes their way to my state of the art secret glacier storage facility, each in their own rented huge fuck off SUV.
The samples are collected and taken to the freezers inside my facility. I have 14,000 freezers and these are operated day and night at maximum power. As a precaution I constantly run the air conditioning units, day and night, they maintain a cold but workable temperature across the 250,000SQFT storage facility.
To further protect the preserved glaciers I employ a team of 35 security guards who 24/7/365 each patrol the perimeters of the facility in their own huge fuck off SUV's.
My operation has been so successful that the demand for power from the glacial storage facility has created a surge of around 30% additional output from the local electric utility. So much so in fact that I have been informed that they need to burn an additional 1,000 tons of coal every day to keep up with the demand.
This is a massive testament to the success of my project. But I won’t stop here. I will not stop until every square inch of every glacier in the world is sponsored and safely preserved in my glacial storage facility.
Then what? Then I plan to save the Rain Forests - but more on that at a later time.
So what are you going to do? Are you going to sit there and do nothing while the glaciers melt before your weeping children’s eyes? Are you happy to sit there motionless while your planet is destroyed before your weeping children’s eyes? Do you enjoy watching weeping children? Are you a Godless atheist bastard? I thought not. So take action and sponsor your glacier today.
Sponsorship is only $9.99 and not only buys you your glacier but also other things too numerous to mention. Everlasting youth is not out of the question as God may see your action as so worthwhile that he grants you ever-lasting youth. And only for a single donation of $9.99. You may also receive 3 wishes that you may use for the gratification of your own filthy pleasures. Or you may not. But you might and if you do, it was all because you sponsored your glacier for only $9.99. So sponsor NOW! Your transaction is safe and secure through PayPal - and you don’t even need a PayPal account.
Still not convinced? Okay here are some testimonials that just might help you make the right decision and act to save your planet today (think of the weeping children).
*Bob Bobson - Kentucky. “You rock. I can sleep at night knowing that I have done my own part in helping save this planet”
*Will Wilson - Colorado. “I am a devout Catholic and when I mentioned what I had done to the Pope, when he had dropped by for coffee the other week, he immediately began the process of my saintification - thank you.”
*John Johnson - Alaska. “We’ve got so many stinking glaciers here in Alaska. Melt them all, that’s what I say. Maybe we would have a decent summer for once.”
* Andrew Andrews - California. “What can I tell you ? Since I sponsored my glacier for the low, low price of $9.99, I have been blessed with the gift of eternal youth. My wife is pissed as hell. Thank you so much.”
* Rob Robson - Also California. “I met Andrew Andrews (above testimonial) and he is a liar. He should have said ‘the low, low, low, low price of $9.99’, I don’t think he did your low, low, low, low price of $9.99 any justice.”
(* Denotes the kind of thing the above made up people would have said about us if they had used our service and were not made up). This is your last chance. I won’t be asking again. So sponsor NOW! Your transaction is safe and secure through PayPal - and you don’t even need a PayPal account.
RAmen
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